Reference

Proverbs 29:25

Discussion Questions

  1. How does the world define “fear of man”? How is that different from the Bible’s definition?
  2. Why are we tempted to fear man over God? How have you personally been tempted to fear man?
  3. Saul’s fear of losing the approval of Israel led him into deeper and deeper sin. How does the fear of man cause us to compromise in other areas of life?
  4. How does the fear of God help us to actually love and serve others more?


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Last time, we considered the question, what is the fear of God? And as we looked at the Bible, we saw that there are two kinds of right fear of God: 1) A Fearful Dread of God and 2) A Fearful Delight in God. Those who are still living in their sins should fear God. His holiness and righteous judgment is not an occasion for their rejoicing, but for their dreading. “God will by no means let the guilty go unpunished” (Ex 34:7). And yet God has made a way for sinners to move from fearful terror OF him, to fearful delight IN Him through the gospel. Jesus came to bear our guilt, shame, and punishment on the cross. He who knew no sin became sin for us, so that we could gain his righteous standing before God (2 Cor 5:21). God poured out his righteous wrath on Jesus instead of us, and then raised him from the dead, proving that the check did not bounce—his payment for sin was fully accepted. And therefore the one who has repented of their sins and has placed their faith in Jesus alone has no more cause to live in fearful dread of God’s judgment (1 John 4:18).

But at the same time, in the words of Michael Reeves in Rejoice and Tremble, the gospel both frees us from fear, and gives us a new delightful fear in its place.” And what is this “fearful delight” that every Christian is called into? It is the ever-growing awe and appreciation for God’s goodness toward us despite our sins and our failings. Instead of punishment, God gives you mercy. Instead of hell, you gain heaven. Instead of abandonment, you are adopted, protected, and secured.

And, as we will consider this morning, this right fear of God works to reorient our other fears, specifically, the fear of man. What is the fear of man? If you browse the self-help section at Barnes and Noble, you might find it described as “people-pleasing,” “insecurity,” “peer pressure,” “need for approval,” “codependency,” or “social anxiety.” These definitions share a common trait: they obscure the moral and spiritual aspects of the fear of man. By accepting these definitions uncritically, we risk viewing the fear of man primarily as a self-confidence issue shaped by our upbringing, social environment, and even our biology.

I want to be careful here—there certainly are things that can contribute to fear of man that we are not responsible for. The child who grows up in a verbally and physically abusive home will almost certainly have a heightened struggle against fear of man . As might the person who is genetically predisposed toward depression and anxiety. We live in a broken world where we are seriously affected not only by our own sins, but the sins of others. So too are we affected by our broken bodies and minds that often do not work as they should. Yet while we may not be responsible for the relational and biological circumstances that have shaped us, we are responsible for how we respond to them.

And this leads us to a biblical definition of the fear of man. How does the Bible define fear of man? Friends, the Bible is startlingly clear—fear of man is sin because it stands in direct opposition to the fear of God. In fact, whenever you see the “fear of man” discussed in the Bible, it is almost always juxtaposed with the fear of God.

  • Psalm 56:4: “in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”
  • Matthew 10:28 “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”
  • Isaiah 8:12-14a:“Do not call conspiracy all that this people calls conspiracy, and do not fear what they fear, nor be in dread. But the Lord of hosts, him you shall honor as holy. Let him be your fear, and let him be your dread. And he will become a sanctuary…”
  • The message is clear: Don’t fear man, fear God.

In another excellent book about the fear of God and the fear of man that I would recommend everyone read, When People are Big and God is Small, Ed Welch gives a broader definition of the sinful fear of man”

“[Fear of man] in the biblical sense, includes being afraid of someone, but it extends to holding someone in awe, being controlled or mastered by people, worshipping other people, putting your trust in people, or needing people.”

In other words, at the heart of fear of man is the sin of idolatry: Fear of man is revering people the way God alone deserves to be revered, and expecting from people what God alone can provide.

I don’t think it would be an exaggeration to say that the fear of man is one of the greatest threats that Christians face today. There are few things that so rob our confidence in God, our ability to love others, and our Christian joy as the fear of man. I wonder if you’ve ever thought about what the fear of man has cost you in your life? Maybe you lose hours of sleep at night replaying conversations in your head, second-guessing each word you said, trying to suss out what that other person must be thinking about you now. Maybe you are dominated by social anxiety and struggle daily to go to work, church, small group, family gatherings. Here’s one I’m sure we can all relate to—evangelism! Perhaps you are so terrified of making a fool of yourself and losing the respect of your friends, neighbors, and colleagues that you hold back from sharing the one message that more than any other would make an eternal difference.

And how exhausting is all of this! Have you thought about not only how much time is lost from fear of man, but how much mental and emotional energy is consumed by all this inner ruminating? The multiple levels of processing that may be going on in your head with every conversation? Don’t you want to be free from that?

We all want to be free from the fear of man, but how do do this? Is the answer greater self-confidence and thinking more highly of ourselves? Or conversely, giving little thought and care to the input of others? This morning, I want to argue that the Bible’s answer to defeating the fear of man is cultivating a greater fear of God.

I’ve titled my sermon “A Tale of Two People-Pleasers.” This morning we’ll examine two stories of two men in the Bible who had similar struggles with the fear of man, but who also had two very different outcomes. My goal is to show, just as Proverbs 29:25 says, that “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.”

Pray

People-Pleaser #1: King Saul (1 Samuel 13-15)

Story: Saul, rather reluctantly at first, is chosen to become Israel’s first king. Israel had been pressuring Samuel to appoint them a king for some time. They wanted to gain the approval of the other nations who had kings who ruled over them and fought their battles.

1 Sam 8:7-8: And the LORD said to Samuel, “Obey the voice of the people in all that they say to you, for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected me from being king over them. According to all the deeds that they have done, from the day I brought them up out of Egypt even to this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are also doing to you

Before we even get to Saul, notice how Israel as a nation was dominated by fear of man! They wanted to be like the surrounding nations, with a physical king they could see and worship. Does this remind you of the golden calf incident in the wilderness? It should, because that’s exactly what God alludes to when he speaks with Samuel here. Israel is once again committing idolatry—they want to replace the true God they cannot see with a false god they can see.

Before he appoints Saul to be king, Samuel transmits one final warning from the Lord to his people:

If you appoint for yourself a king to reign over you, he will rule over you with an iron fist. He will not give, he will take. He will take your sons and your daughters, the best of your grain and vineyards, and your young men, and your donkeys, and all that you own, and “you shall be his slaves” (8:17).

Even after this striking warning, Samuel tells us that the people of Israel still refused to listen to the voice of God and said, “No! There shall be a king over us, that we also may be like all the nations” (8:20). Israel desired the approval of the surrounding pagan nations more than they desired the approval of God. They feared man more than they feared God. If the “Fear of man is revering people the way God alone deserves to be revered, and expecting from people what God alone can provide,” this is exactly what Israel was doing.

It should be no surprise, then, that the king chosen to rule over Israel in God’s place would also be mastered by the fear of man. Even before he is anointed king, Saul is a fearfully reluctant leader, hiding among the baggage during Samuel’s inaugural address. And not much later, when the Philistine army had encamped around Israel, Saul seeing the people of Israel scatter from him, offered a burnt offering to seek God’s favor instead of waiting for Samuel to do it as he had been commanded. When Samuel eventually comes and confronts him, Saul, like his forefather Aaron in the wilderness, blames the people for his disobedience!

1 Samuel 13:11-12 “When I saw that the people were scattering from me, and that you did not come within the days appointed, and that the Philistines had mustered at Michmash, I said, ‘Now the Philistines will come down against me at Gilgal, and I have not sought the favor of the LORD.’ So I forced myself, and offered the burnt offering.”

This is one insidious way that the fear of man works. First, it tempts us to sin for the sake of appeasing others, and then, when we’re caught in our sin, we turn the blame on the very ones we were working to please. Have you considered whether this might a pattern in your relationships? You work so hard to please others, even to the point of manipulation, and then, when that person does not give you what you want, or worse yet, turns on you for your behavior, you blame them for your actions? The fear of man is a snare. It lures you into sin and compromise with promises love and security but it will ultimately consume you, like a snake eating itself.

After some time has passed, Saul is then commanded by God to wipe out the Amalekites, a wicked nation that had opposed Israel since they had fled from Egypt in the Exodus. God told Saul, “devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’” (15:3). The command was clear, but Saul’s obedience was not. Instead of devoting every person and animal to destruction as God commanded, Saul spared Agag, King of the Amelekites, along with the best of the sheep and oxen, fattened calves, and the lambs. And so, God sends Samuel to confront Saul in his disobedience. Saul sees Samuel coming and first attempts to cover up his disobedience with a lie: “Blessed be you to the Lord,” he says, “I have performed the commandment of the Lord” (15:13). Yet even after Samuel calls him out for this blatant lie by mentioning the “bleating of the sheep” and “lowing of the oxen” he can clearly hear, Saul attempts to enlist another deception: “Saul said, “They [Israel] have brought them from the Amalekites, for the people spared the best of the sheep and of the oxen to sacrifice to the LORD your God, and the rest we have devoted to destruction.” One lie begets another lie.

Amazingly, Saul, like a caged animal, makes one final attempt to escape accusations of Samuel:

“Oh no, Samuel, you don’t understand. I have obeyed the voice of the Lord. I have gone on the mission on which the Lord sent me. I have brought Agag the king of Amalek, and I have devoted the Amalekites to destruction. But the people took of the spoil, sheep and oxen, the best of the things devoted to destruction, to sacrifice to the LORD your God in Gilgal.” (15:20-21).”

Saul’s “Repentance”

Here we find what will be the major difference between our two people-pleasers—how they repent. What did Saul’s repentance look like? Already we’re not off to a great start. We’ve seen that when he was confronted with his sin, Saul lied and twisted the truth, not just once, but three times, even turning the blame on the people.

It is only when Samuel tells Saul the consequences—that God has rejected him from being king—that Saul drops his lies and confesses, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the LORD and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice” (15:24). Finally! Saul has dropped the facade and has owned up to his sin, right? Tragically, we know that this is not Saul’s story ends. After this “confession,” Saul says, “Now therefore, please pardon my sin and return with me that I may bow before the LORD.” But what sounds like an honest request reveals itself to be yet another snare of the fear of man. When Samuel refuses to return with him, Saul makes one final desperate plea in verse 30: “Then he said, “I have sinned; yet honor me now before the elders of my people and before Israel, and return with me, that I may bow before the LORD your God.” So Samuel turned back after Saul, and Saul bowed before the LORD.”

“I have sinned,” he says, “yet honor me.” Saul was so consumed with a fear of losing honor and reputation before the people that he was willing even to wield repentance as a tool of manipulation to get what he wanted.

Saul’s story is tragic. It was his fear of man that led to his demise. He was so mastered by his need for the approval of others that he was willing to lie, and steal, and oppose God to get it. And, as we know from the rest of Saul’s tragic story, sin never delivers what it promises. Saul is quickly discarded and replaced in the eyes of the people by David and he spends the rest of his pitiful life grasping at sand—lying, cheating, and murdering to gain the admiration and approval of the people who have already moved on from him.

I wonder if you might see pieces of yourself in the life of Saul? Your desire for the approval of others has probably not led you into the same gravity of sin, but what have you compromised to gain the approval of others? Have you sought the love or respect of your spouse through manipulative words and actions? Have you held back from speaking a loving but hard word to another believer in need of correction? Have you even used “repentance” and “apologies” to shift the blame off yourself? “I’m sorry that I blew up at you, but what you did just made me so angry!” Or, “I’m sorry that what I did made you feel like I don’t care about you, but you simply misunderstood my intentions!”. I’m ashamed to say that I myself have been guilty of this.

Before we move on to our second tale of another people-pleaser, I want to take a minute to consider a two lessons from Saul’s story.

Seeking man’s approval leads to sin and emptiness. Seeking God’s approval leads to obedience and life.

  • God in his kindness promised good to Israel and Saul if they would fear and obey him—even after they had rejected God as king.
  • **1 Samuel 12:14-15 “**If you will fear the LORD and serve him and obey his voice and not rebel against the commandment of the LORD, and if both you and the king who reigns over you will follow the LORD your God, it will be well. But if you will not obey the voice of the LORD, but rebel against the commandment of the LORD, then the hand of the LORD will be against you and your king.”
  • 1 Samuel 12:20-22 “Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. For the LORD will not forsake his people, for his great name’s sake, because it has pleased the LORD to make you a people for himself.

Fear of man will not only destroy you, but also harm those whose lives you impact.

  • If your goal in life is to please others, you will ultimately do them great harm. You know the story of Saul, but I wonder if you remember the story of Haman? The King of Persia’s second-in-command who persecuted the Jews and planned their annihilation in the book of Esther? Haman was a descendant of King Agag. Haman’s evil would have never come to fruition if Saul had listened to God’s voice over the people to destroy Agag and all the Amalekites.
  • What you and I might consider to be a sad, but understandable and maybe even slightly humorous struggle—”I’m just a people pleaser!”—God calls sin. And sin never delivers on what it promises. It never gives, only takes. And not just from, but from every person our lives touch.
  • This points back to the original temptation that brought about the first sin; God promised Adam and Eve good. They had everything they needed and only one command to obey: not to eat of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. It was the serpent’s subtle undermining of God’s goodness and his promise that led Adam and Eve to seek for the fulfillment of their desires outside of God that led them and the rest of mankind into destruction. And don’t we all still do the same thing? Sin always overpromises and under-delivers. Sin promises life and leads us to death. The Israelites had the God of the universe on their side. He gave them an honor higher than any other, to be a people for his own possession and yet this wasn’t enough for them. They were like the religious rulers who believed Jesus’ message but ultimately refused to trust him because they “loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes God” (John 12:43).
  • Friend, have you considered how your own fear of man—what the Bible clearly labels as sin—has failed to deliver on its promise to you? This is why we sin, right? Because we think it will work, that it will give us what we think we need. We want our children to like us, so we give in to their demands and withhold discipline. We want our friends to need us as much as we need them, so we manipulate and twist the truth to get them to focus on us. We fear losing the respect of our spouse, and so we conceal our sin and blame them for misjudging our intentions when we’re caught in it. And what does this all lead to? Do your children, or friends, or spouse love you more because of your indulgence and manipulation? Or does your need for their love and approval actually drive them away?

Seek man’s approval, and become a people-pleaser. Seek God’s approval, and become a people-lover.

  • Saul, consumed by his need for the approval of his army, allowed King Agag to be spared as well as the best of the sheep and oxen. His sin led not only to his own harm and the loss of his kingdom, but the suffering of his people for generations to come. Saul forgot the one fact that would have made all the difference in his battle against the fear of man—he already had God’s approval! After Saul was confronted in his sin, Samuel said in 1 Samuel 15:17 “Though you are little in your own eyes, are you not the head of the tribes of Israel? The LORD anointed you king over Israel.” Saul’s fear of man had made himself small in his own eyes, and so he was willing to listen to the voice of the people over the voice of God and give into the sinful demands of Israel. But if God’s approval had been enough for Saul, he could have been the leader that Israel needed—someone who was willing to lead his people to obedience to God, even if it meant being disliked.
  • And brothers and sisters, this is true for us as well. If you repented of your sins and placed your faith in Christ you too are already approved by God. And because you are approved by him and secure in him, you no longer need to be a people-pleaser, but can become a people-lover.
  • 1 Thessalonians 2:4 - “But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.”
  • If you fear God more than man—if his approval is more precious to you than man’s approval—you are uniquely equipped to truly love others for their good, not your own, even if that means you are disliked and misunderstood. In the words of Ed Welch once again, “Our goal is to love people more than need them. We are overflowing pitchers, not leaky cups.”

Snare 2: The Fear of Man’s Persecution (Peter)

Now let’s turn our attention to a very different Biblical figure, this time in the New Testament—John 18:15-18, 25-27.

Peter had been right by Jesus’ side for three years. He was witness to the sermon on the mount, the transfiguration, the raising of Lazarus from the dead, and the countless other miracles Jesus performed during his ministry. He even rightly recognized who Jesus was when no one else did.

  • When Jesus asked his disciples, “Who do you say that I am?” in Mark 8:29, “Peter answered correctly—”You are the Christ.”
  • And when all the crowds began to leave Jesus because of his strange and polarizing teachings in John 6:68-69, and Jesus asked his disciples if they would leave too, it was Peter who spoke for all the disciples when he said, ““Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”

Peter loved Jesus, heart and soul, so much so that when Jesus spoke of all the disciples falling away from him that on that fateful Passover night, Peter boldly said, “Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away… *“*Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!” (Matthew 26:33, 35). In a flash of zeal, Peter confidently swears his undying allegiance to Christ, even to death. Surely, these are the words of someone who has conquered the fear of man!

Yet it only takes a few short hours for all of Peter’s bravado and self-confidence to fall apart like a house of cards. While Jesus endures a trial before the High Priest and the Jewish leaders, Peter endures a trial of his own—not before powerful authorities, but before a simple servant girl in the outer courtyard. John Calvin, commenting on this iconic story says, “[Peter] does not wait until he is dragged before the tribunal of the high priest, or until his enemies attempt to put him to death by violence, but, terrified by a woman's voice, immediately denies his Master.” In one moment, Peter’s fear of God is forcefully replaced by fear of man.

  • Calvin Continued: “But in this way God gives us the just reward of our treachery, when he disarms and strips us of all power, so that, when we have thrown off the fear of him, we tremble for a mere nothing. For if a deep fear of God had dwelt in Peter's heart, it would have been an invincible fortress; but now, naked and defenseless, he trembles while he is still far from danger.”
  • Peter was so terrorized by the fear of man that he failed to even see what was happening at first. Chrysostom: “And he was not even aware of his own lying. Luke says that Christ looked upon him, and this made it clear that he had denied him and was not even aware of how far he had fallen into forgetfulness. This happened even though the cock had crowed. He needed a further remembrance from his Master. Jesus’ look was greater than any voice.”

Oh how confident Peter was when Jesus was by his side as he performed feats of miraculous power and confounded the religious leaders of the day, when the threat of persecution felt so far off! And yet how quickly he buckled the moment he felt the smallest bit of pressure.

If we were to compare the failing of Peter to the failing of Saul in 1 Samuel, it would seem that Peter’s offense was much more grievous than Saul’s! Sure, Saul offered the sacrifice when he wasn’t supposed to, but he did wait the seven days that Samuel ordered, and he did it seek the Lord’s favor! That seems totally understandable, right? And when he did mostly wipe out the Amalekites, and he only took the best of the animals to offer them as a sacrifice to the Lord! But Peter? Peter’s fear of man led him to deny Jesus—not just once, but three times! Peter was with Jesus when he said in Matthew 10:32-33 that “Everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.” Surely, Peter’s sin was the greater.

Peter’s Repentance

But here, friends, again is the great difference between our two people-pleasers, and a source of great hope for people-pleasers like us. Peter truly repented. He was not like Saul who had a worldly sorrow over the consequences from his sin. After Peter heard the the cock crow for the third time, and his eyes met Jesus’ gaze, he fled the crowd and wept bitterly. Peter had, in the words of 2 Corinthians 7:10, a “godly grief which produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret.” ****Peter’s story takes a very different turn from Saul’s not only because of his repentance, but because prayed for him. Before Peter’s denial of Jesus, Jesus spoke these words of promise to him in Luke 22:31-32 “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail.” And Jesus keeps his promises! Peter is kept from falling away, and after Jesus rises from the dead, over an early morning breakfast of fish, Jesus forgives, restores, and strengthens Peter.

We know from the book of Acts that Peter would go on to face more temptation to fear man and deny his Lord—this time not before a lowly servant girl, but before the rulers, scribes, and the High Priest in Jerusalem. A crippled man has been healed in Jesus name, and the Jewish leaders, fearing their own loss of status and approval, wielded their position and power and “charged [Peter and John] not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus.” (Acts 4:18). But Peter, this time filled with the Holy Spirit—not self-confidence—and filled with the fear of God does not deny Jesus. In fact, I want to let Peter’s words speak for themselves:

**Acts 4:7-12 “**And when they [the Jewish leaders] had set them in the midst, they inquired, “By what power or by what name did you do this?” Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, “Rulers of the people and elders, if we are being examined today concerning a good deed done to a crippled man, by what means this man has been healed, let it be known to all of you and to all the people of Israel that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead—by him this man is standing before you well. This Jesus is the stone that was rejected by you, the builders, which has become the cornerstone. And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

**4:18-20 “**So they called them and charged them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John answered them, “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard.”

This man, the same one was so overcome by the fear of man only a few short months earlier that he would deny his Lord before a lowly servant girl now stands as a changed man before the highest rulers of the day and refuses to deny Christ again.

Brother and sister in Christ, if you have failed to fear God more than man—if you have revered people the way God alone deserves to be revered, and if you have sought from people that God alone can provide, repent! The fear of man is a snare that will destroy you and everyone whose live you touch with it. But there is forgiveness, healing, and power that is available to you if you will turn from fearing man to fearing God.

Proverbs 29:25 “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.”